Our friends over at Slashfilm pointed out an interesting Kickstarter campaign today, one for a new product called the Poptheatr, which bills itself as "The Ultimate Private Cinema Experience". If you're anything like us, you hear a phrase like that and you start imagining opulent screening rooms, luxurious leather recliners, ear-destroying surround sound, maybe even an attentive server who'll bring popcorn and boozy cocktails straight to your seat at the touch of a button.
What you're probably not imagining is this.
Turns out, the Poptheatr system is basically a bag you, too, can wear on your head while watching movies in public. Yes, whether you're at the pool, exploring a beautiful public park, or you're just laying on your own busted-ass sofa literally inches away from the television you paid too much for, the Poptheatr entertainment system is here to make your most wildly introverted fantasies come true. Let's hear the pitch.
"Poptheatr is your own private theater that provides you with a comfortable, personal viewing experience when watching on your mobile device. No longer will you face distractions and constant discomfort when you could be enjoying your movie or show to the fullest extent."
Referring to Poptheatr as one's "own private theater" seems a stretch (it is not a theater; it is a bag you stick your head into while laying on your back), but let's set that aside for a moment and consider how truly awful most moviegoing experiences must be if people are willing to throw down money for this kind of thing. Texters, talkers, babies roaming around the aisles rather than being kept on their leashes like the good lord intended - that's the kind of shit people are dealing with at the average multiplex. Folks are desperate, and in their desperation they are turning to the only alternative imaginable: wearing a bag on their head in public (it's times like these that the BMD crew feels particularly lucky to live within driving distance of several Alamo Drafthouses).
For just $54, you can secure your very own Poptheatr Iron Mask via the product's Kickstarter campaign. Throw down $104 and you can get two of them (this is the deal you want if you're married or in a committed relationship; just imagine the thrill you'll get, laying on the floor next to your significant other in absolute silence, both of you experiencing the same movie without ever having to fear that you might inadvertently make eye contact in the process). For the high-rollers, $476 will net you ten Poptheatres. I don't even know what you'd do with that many luxurious private theaters, but you've got the option if you want it.
To be fair, there's more to the Poptheatr than just being a duffel bag you wear on your head: the unit also features a "dual-drive speaker for high quality sound", as well as a Bluetooth device for controlling whatever electronic device you've plugged into your skull coffin. Furthermore, the product's Kickstarter campaign helpfully explains, Poptheatr "collapses down so you can watch with cinematic quality wherever you go". Yes, good. Movies as they were meant to be seen.
From the looks of it, Poptheatr's Kickstarter campaign has been in operation for a few weeks now, and has only secured about $5500 towards its $40,000 goal. There's still a few weeks left for it to hit that mark, though, so you better head on over there and shell out some money if you want to stay on the bleeding edge of filmgoing in 2018. Everyone else is free to point, do the Nelson Muntz "HA-ha!" and shake their heads in disbelief that this is what it's come to.